Building Self-Worth
By Dr Elaine Monica Davis Iton
Physician/ Founder & CEO of Wisdom for Wellness/ Former UWI Lecturer
LINKAGE Q1 (2023) - Woman's Leadership: Embrace Equity
“As a man thinketh, so is he; as a man chooseth, so is he.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Building self-worth can be viewed as building a valuable space inside of yourself that will guide and protect you throughout many challenging situations such as making difficult decisions, forging meaningful relationships, and achieving happiness and success in life.
Many of the qualities that contribute to peace, joy, happiness and love are not only gained but also honed through positive self-worth. The list of these attributes is extensive: caring, confidence, empathy, fairness, honesty, integrity, kindness, patience, and respect among many others. For optimal physical, mental, social, and spiritual health to be realised, it is imperative to be possessed of positive self-worth and belief in oneself!
Building self-worth is not unlike the construction of a physical structure, which relies on a good, solid foundation. Foundations can give way and crumble under many circumstances: if the design plan is wrong, if the engineering is faulty, if the incorrect tools and materials are used—to cite a few possible errors. In much the same way, an unstable mental health foundation can deteriorate irretrievably due to low levels of self-worth and a reduction in belief in oneself. Examples: an individual feels unworthy or unloved; s(he) feels that an impediment is the barrier to true worthiness; or s(he) perceives that being deemed ‘less good’ than her/his peers is a life sentence. These scenarios, and a myriad others, can cause unwanted consequences, unless timely mental health interventions are made to rebuild the individual’s belief in him/herself, and thereby restore self-worth.
It is therefore essential for those who strive to lead a meaningful and mentally healthy life that the concept of self-worth and its importance be well understood.
What is self-worth?
Self-worth is an internal feeling that we are enough, that we are good enough, that we are worthy—worthy of love and belonging. It is an intrinsic phenomenon, and as such its value must never be measured against anyone else or any quantum or quality of material possessions. Research has shown that self-worth is linked to ability, effort and performance, and these features are often referred to as the components of self-worth. It can be inferred that high levels of ability, effort and performance will result in high self-worth. It can be equally inferred that low levels would lead to low self-worth and that any diminution of self-worth can also negatively affect ability, effort and performance. There are reasons for this apparent complexity, and the following paragraph seeks to illustrate the interactive link between ability, effort, performance and self-worth, and underscores that ability, effort and performance contribute significantly to one’s feeling of self-worth.
Ability varies in individuals, and lack of ability in certain spheres can be devastating to some yet powerfully motivating to others. The degree of effort exerted in varying situations can be improved or limited by the level of ability that exists. Whether there is betterment or decrement in the person’s ability depends upon the motivational state, the internal will, the effect of external pressure on the individual and her/his intrinsic feeling of self-worth, inter alia. Where a large quantum of effort is invested in a particular situation by a motivated, high self-worth individual, it is not unreasonable to expect positive results, wherein ability in the task at hand increases substantially, thus further increasing self-worth. To the other hand, where the same quantum of effort is employed towards an identical situation by a subject with low motivation and diminished feelings of self-worth, the results are likely to be significantly different and could well drive the individual into a destructive frame of mind.
There are several other factors that can influence self-worth; far too many to be discussed here, but let us look at health and wellness for a minute. One of the main components of a healthy lifestyle is sleep, which plays an important role in our physical and mental wellness. It is generally recommended that we get between six to eight hours of sleep per night. One might argue that we still function well with less hours of heads on pillows, but research has proven, without a doubt, that sleep deprivation can be detrimental to our physical and mental wellbeing. Decreased sleep leads to decreased concentration skills, which in turn affects effort. Decreased effort causes diminished ability, which in turn leads to procrastination. Procrastination fuels anxiety and stress, which inevitably lower performance levels. Low performance levels decrease success, waning success causes low self-esteem. Low self-esteem favours internal feelings of poor self-worth—”I can’t cope…I am useless…I don’t deserve this job…I don’t deserve anything good…I am a failure!”
Positive self-worth is critically important for optimal performance in whatever we do, as it increases motivation, boosts confidence and infuses a feeling of belief in oneself. Increased self-belief deepens gratitude and buffers disappointment.
What are some types of self-worth?
There are many, three will be mentioned here.
1) Inherent self-worth: A belief in life in general, a profound belief in self, an appreciation and understanding of morality, and the inner fortitude of being able to distinguish right from wrong…all the time.
2) Expressed self-worth: This is fuelled very early in life by the positive actions of our parents and guardians, and manifests in attributes such as kindness, love, support, praise and reinforcement. This is a very valuable type of self-worth, though not necessarily the pre-eminent one.
3) Achieved self-worth: This type of self-worth relates to our own actions, our personal development and our journey to resultant successes. Achieved self-worth, in my mind, could also be considered a dynamic, yet delicate, interplay of our inherent and expressed self-worth.
Self-worth is often
mis-defined as self-esteem…but they are not the same.
Self-worth, an internal phenomenon, makes us feel inherently worthy. It is a personal feeling of confidence in ourselves and in the universe. Internal feelings of worth motivate us and lead to (external) success.
Self-esteem is more of an external phenomenon, which relies on validation of ourselves by others, who measure our performance and label it as success or failure (both factors external to self). People with high self-esteem feel good about themselves and those with low self-esteem often get depressed, both based on what others think.
Reliance on external opinions to build self-worth is linked to depression and increased feelings of worthlessness (Kernis et al, 1998). Other researchers have revealed that people with positive self-worth develop high self-esteem. The higher one’s self-worth, the greater the motivation and possibilities for external success. The greater the success, the better one feels about it and about oneself, resulting in high self-esteem. Enhancement of the external markers of success increases the internal feeling of worthiness.
What makes a positive, high
self-worth individual recognisable?
A high self-worth individual loves and fully accepts her/himself (imperfections and all), is self-aware, self-confident and, because of an innate sense of belonging, is able to have meaningful social relationships. S(he) and no-one else defines her/himself and maintains constant value as a person. A deep sense of self causes the high self-worth individual not to be bothered by the opinions of others.
What are some of the hallmarks of an individual with high self-worth:
This individual:
o exudes emotional balance and resilience; possesses self-regulatory skills and maintains high level functioning despite external circumstances.
o exhibits self-assurance and self-confidence; feels comfortable within her/himself and allows confidence to be the precursor of her/his successes.
o fosters and engages in positive and healthy relationships; does not tolerate toxic environments of any sort.
o avoids being devalued as a person by simply saying NO to people or life situations who/which seek to devalue.
o is self-aware, self-accepting and self-validating and is able to remain highly motivated despite the undulating landscape of life.
o does not compete with anyone but him/herself as there will always be people greater and lesser than him/her.
o is full of gratitude, always cognisant that every day there are innumerable facets of life for which to be thankful.
What can we do to increase our self-worth now?
Engage in some simple, but important activities, viz:
o care for yourself by leading a healthy lifestyle inclusive of exercise, adequate nutrition, sufficient sleep etc.
o think positively about yourself, assert yourself more and remember the word NO is your safe word; use it when you need to.
o find time to do things which bring you happiness and joy…you know…the things you never seem to have time for as you climb the proverbial ladder of success. Note to self, true success relies on large doses of happiness and joy.
o spend your time with people whose company you enjoy. Avoid and forget those who treat you badly. Become allergic to negative people and negativity in general (yes, it can be done). Life is truly very short. Make a promise to yourself to make every moment count!
Thoughts for tips on building self-worth:
o Building self-worth is not something which can be done overnight. It may require effort for some, but it can be done.
o Self-worth is not tied to people or things, and is not dependent on good days or bad days. Everyone is deserving of love, kindness, compassion and positivity every day.
o People’s toxic opinions do not matter to you. Do not let others define your worth. Validate yourself daily.
o Learn more about yourself – self-awareness, self-understanding, self-acceptance, self-care, and self-responsibility are “must haves”.
o Become the person you choose to be, on your terms, and enjoy the journey. Start now!! You deserve it…You are worthy!!
I end with two beautiful quotes from anonymous authors:
“Never measure your self-worth by what other people think you should have become”
“I am the measure of my worth, and I say I am worthy!”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Elaine Monica Davis is a physician with over four decades of experience. During her career she worked in public health, part-time private practice, and recently retired from The UWI where she was a lecturer for 30 years. She is passionate about wellness, wellbeing, stress management, and resilience.